About a week ago, I was down at the local bingo parlor, desperately trying to stave off starvation and any real employment when I noticed a disheveled, sweatpants clad gentleman celebrating what he thought was a 'Bingo.' (It turns out, he was missing the 'O') It was Brad Johnson, himself, third string quarterback of our beloved 'Boys.
As I am a professional, I took the opportunity and conducted an informal, one-on-one with the beleaguered veteran:
Scott: Hello, Brad, how are you today?
Brad Johnson: What? You'll have to speak up Sonny.
SC: (Yelling) How are you today?!
BJ: Oh, I'm okay. (Yelling, gesturing)I wish that Oriental knew what a damned bingo looked like!
SC: Wow. Anyway, many critics are comparing the Cowboys to a great, sinking ship. How do you feel about these claims?
BJ: Sinking ship, eh? That reminds me, John Jacob Astor owes me a quarter.
SC: I think he's dead, Brad.
BJ: Either way... All my friends are dead.
SC: Um... I'm sorry.
BJ: Oh, it's okay. I thought it was my time back in '45. I was a POW in Dresden and I told those Krauts,--
SC: Sorry to interrupt, but-- (Johnson strikes me with his cane) Ow!"
BJ: Back in my day, we respected our elders.
SC: Uh... I'm sorry?
BJ: Where was I? Oh yeah, I had just got done plowing Greta Garbo, when who should walk in but Teddy Roosevelt himself...
SC: Wow, Mr. Johnson, quite a story.
BJ: Tell that to my grandchildren.
SC: So how did you feel about the decision to demote you to third string?
BJ: Well, Sonny, as long as I have my sweatpants, CBS television and vintage pornography, they can demote me to thirtieth string... (Distracted) Another one?
(Black man celebrates a bingo)
BJ: I swear, the coloreds are taking over.
SC: Your bitter, racist disposition is impressive, to say the least.
BJ: I know.
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